Looking pathetic at the birth center. This is Tues. Max started coming Friday eve. so at this point I was beyond exhausted. I don't have a lot of memory of it all. The nurses there are the absolute best! Max came right on time, contractions and all a day early, I was so glad! Only problem was my body did not cooperate. I was having large, extremely painful contractions that should have been moving me right along, but I was dialating slower than molasses! There was some morphine involved at one point which gave me a second wind, but no matter the positive thoughts, breaths, positions, etc. nothing was doing the trick. I ended up having a c-section to get him the hell out of there! In retrospect, now that the pain is over, I wish I would have seen just how long I could have gone (it may have made no difference). But in the moment of endless days and nights of intense contractions my mind had gone a bit and all I wanted was to see my baby, to know this was all for something. And when my doctor recommended it, I agreed. Plus, I knew that I could always have a second go at the pushing out another time. Unfortunately though, because the second baby is so close, the risks of Uterine rupture is too great. Our lives are on the line. So now feelings of disappointment are finding their way to me again. I'm trying to resolve them before the birth so that I can focus on the lovely boy we'll meet, but some days I still find it hard.
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